Apologies for the long delay in updating.  I've been.. away.  Busy.. I'm back at horseback riding.  It feels.. good.  I miss the horses so much, it hurt.  I ride the most beautiful gelding in the world, twice a week.  He's a 16HH draft mix, 10 years old.  A lovely creature to behold, with a lovely personality to match him.

I went with my ex to see Cirque du Soleil a few days ago.  It's been a dream of mine to see them in person, live, up close, ever since I first saw them when I was 4.  13 years later, that dream comes true.  What a wonderful production.. It was designed special for the location, to fit in with the Festival this year.  And even better news; they are coming back for another two years to perform during the Festival.  I am so happy.. I cried during the performance--when they first started, and then again when the silk climber was doing his act.  I always wanted to silk climb..

My best friend moved away about a week ago.  She now lives over the water from me.  3 hours drive.. but a drive my family is not willing to make to let me see her.  Her, and this wonderful boy she has introduced me to..  Tell me, ladies.. Have you ever wanted to leave someone you were entirely happy with, simply because you met someone who fits a dream you had?  This boy she's introduced me to.. he's romantic and caring and sweet, willing to do anything and everything to please the one he loves.  The downfall in it is that he suffers from bipolar disorder.  I hear so many bad things.. Has anyone you know or you yourself had a successful relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder?   And then there's my friend, too.. She wants him for herself, and he isn't really interested in her.  I'm scared that if I were to date him, she would hate me.  What should I do?  Stay with Anthony..?  Leave for the bipolar romantic?  I don't know anymore..  Advice?

I don't even want to talk about my weight.  I'm disgusted with myself, as usual.  I'm weighing high again, and can't stop eating.  It's a comfort thing.  So many changes, so much stress.  I couldn't find work this summer, and so my mother nags me about that.  I had extreme difficulty finishing school.  The anxiety is becoming too much.. My family is always fighting with my brother now.  Always. I need out.  But I can't leave.  Maybe.. Maybe next summer.. that boy that my friend introduced me to.. Maybe he would take me in..

I will be alone for two days while my family travels. I will not eat during then.  I will be skinny again.  I will be beautiful.  This fat has got to go, and it has to do go now.  At least I'm building muscle tone from the riding..  I will be weightless by school next year. 

Meal Plans for the next few days:

This is how an angel dies.